I grew up attending church and heard all sorts of stories about God. There were many stories from the Bible about the times God saved one or more of his faithful servants from certain death – Daniel in the lions’ den, the three Hebrew boys who were thrown into a furnace when they refused to bow to the king, Jonah (well, he kind of asked for the trouble he found himself in), and many more.
Those are the Bible stories that end up in children’s books. An artist portrays colorful drawings showing the saved person with light from heaven shining down on his or her upturned face. We like those stories with happy endings. They make us feel nice and hopeful that if we’re “good,” God will take care of us and nothing bad will happen to us. If you want a good laugh, read Mark Twain’s “The Story of the Good Little Boy,” and then read “The Story of the Bad Little Boy.” Anyone who has read or heard their church’s bedtime stories will probably howl with laughter. I sure did.
In reality, not all stories about God have happy endings. There are plenty of instances when people who believed in God, trusted God, and served God died. Those are not the stories I heard at bedtime when I was growing up. Can you imagine? “Time for bed, sweetie. Here’s a story about a disciple who was torn apart by lions because he said he believed in God. Sweet dreams!”
I’ve heard the name of God used in many ways. One of the funniest was from a woman I’ll call “Mrs. B.” Mrs. B was a resident in a long-term care facility. She loved to wheel herself around the facility and could often be heard saying, when she passed anyone in the hallway, “God damn you, son-of-a-bitch!” She wasn’t angry; it’s just what she said. The nurses came to me and said, “Carol, you’re a speech therapist. Can you get her to stop saying that?” Sure, why not? I approached Mrs. B and suggested that maybe there were nicer words than, “God damn you” and perhaps she could say, “God bless you” instead. She nodded and off she went down the hallway. A few minutes later I heard her say, “God bless you, son-of-a-bitch.” Oh, well. We tried.
Despite my belief in God, a happy ending to my cancer story has not been promised to me. What my belief does for me is to offer a peace that is hard to explain. Do I trust God? Yes. Do I still struggle with my faith? Yes. I think my biggest struggle is trusting God with those I’ll leave behind. What will happen to those I love? If I were to make a list of the “hardest parts” of cancer, that would be right at the top of my list. I believe God wants me to give Him that list – the whole, entire, nothing-held-back list. I’m working on it…
I find encouragement when I read the story in the Bible about a father who comes to Jesus, asking him to heal his son. Here’s how it reads: “Then Jesus said to him, ‘All things are possible for the one who believes.’ Immediately the father of the boy cried out and said, ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’” (Mark 9:23-24 NET) That is my prayer for today. “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”
Carol
Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul.
As the husband of a wife recently (April 2023) diagnosed with de novo stage IV breast cancer, and a man of faith myself, I cannot tell you how many times since that diagnosis I have cried out those same words from Mark, “Lord, I believe! Help me in my unbelief!”
Faith is not absolute. I don’t think there is a single believer who doesn’t have moments of doubt. My wife has been a follower of Christ her entire life. Do you think neither of us questioned the reason behind her diagnosis when she first received it? She’s 44 years old. We have 3 children, the youngest of which is 12 (all three were baptized in the river yesterday by the way). Of course we struggled to see God in this process. But we choose to believe the He is at work, even when we doubt. And when we doubt, we ask Him to strengthen our belief, and in doing so, find peace.
I pray that it is likewise your experience, and that your testament touches those you encounter daily.
~Benjamen
Thank you, Benjamen.
You are such an inspiration Carol, and love reading your posts. Sending you tons of hugs and much love from me and Tahnee Rose.
Beautiful Carol!
Thank you for your inspirational update. God bless you!
Thank you, Sandy. I always hope that my words might help someone.
Thank you for another blog, Carol. I love reading them. One of my former students was talking to me about how he was practicing “holding on lightly” to his current blessings — full of thanksgiving for the moment’s gifts but with a willingness to let them go as well. I remembered that line as I read your piece here. I guess it’s a form of spiritual discipline I need more practice in! Keep sharing!
Thank you, Tammy! Your encouragement means so much to me!
Carol I absolutely love reading your blog. Thank you for your words, thank you for your honesty!
Thank you, Lisa!
Thanks Carol for yet another post that makes me laugh, cry, and feel warm and fuzzy all over. 🥰
Thank you, Joey! Any thank you for your help with copy editing.
Sending loving thoughts your way, Carol…and an uncomfortably l..o..n..g..hug!
Thank you, Daralee. I’ll take l.o.n.g. hugs! 🙂
So glad to hear from you, Carol. We always enjoying hearing how you are. Chris & Jim C.
Thank you, Chris!
So thankful for your communiques, Carol. We always enjoy hearing how you are. Chris C
Thank you, Chris. I’m still upright and still kicking!