I finished graduate school in 1982, earning a master’s degree from the University of Redlands in Communicative Disorders. I spent those two years living in Loma Linda, California, after four years of college in the Napa Valley. I remember arriving in Loma Linda in June 1980, and was struck by how brown everything was. By “everything” I mean the sky, the ground, the buildings – just everything. The friend who showed my roommate and me around the town said, “You won’t believe it, but there are mountains right there.” She pointed at a brown wall of haze. She was right. I didn’t believe her.
In January, some of the brown yuck disappeared and, indeed, the mountains became visible. The view was something like you’d see on a postcard telling you to come and visit. Ironically, Loma Linda means “beautiful hill.” It seemed like a poor joke to me, as that postcard view was only visible for a few months out of the year. I understand the air is clearer now than it was in 1982, but those two years were rough on my soul that craved blue skies and green grass.
While looking for my first job as a speech-language pathologist, I came across a posting for a job in Maine. The description said, “Rural, but beautiful.” That was enough for me, and I applied for the job. I flew out for an interview and as we were circling to land in Boston (the Portland, Maine airport was fogged in) I looked out the window and all I could see was GREEN. In JUNE! My first thought was, “If they offer me the job, I’m taking it!”
They did offer me the job and I settled in the town of Waterville, home to Colby College. Waterville is about 20 miles north of the capital, Augusta, and about 60 miles north of Freeport, home to LL Bean. I spent many happy hours roaming through LL Bean and the charming town. My favorite place to eat lunch was the Jameson Tavern. (Google tells me it’s still there.)
My job assignment was at a residential home for profoundly retarded children, where I was part of a team with an occupational and a physical therapist. The home was located in the town of Strong, about an hour’s drive from Waterville. The trip took me through back roads, small towns, and stretches where the trees overarched the roadway. I was enthralled by the beauty of it.
When the snow came, I still made the 45-ish mile drive and found the wooded roads to be just as beautiful as they were in the summer and fall. I remember driving, one time, down a road draped with snow laden trees. I had recently memorized the poem by Robert Frost, “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening.” I was captivated by the scene in front of me and could imagine Robert Frost being in those same woods on a similar evening.
The last verse of the poem reads,
“The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.”
Those words held both promise and sadness for me. The woods were a calm and peaceful place to stop, but not a place I could stay.
Living with Stage IV cancer has brought me to places I never expected to be. I’m not just talking about cancer clinics, infusion suites and imaging rooms. I’m talking about places of peace and contentment. You might wonder how cancer can bring one peace. I think the peace comes when I realize that I HAVE been given today. How do I want to use it? Do I want to spend it loving and laughing and making memories? Or do I want to spend it bemoaning all the things cancer has stolen from me and dreading the future? The latter is just too heavy for me.
Once again, I’m reminded that I have a choice in how I want to live TODAY. And as I look at the notes taped next to my keyboard, I see the Viktor Frankl quote, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” That works for me!
Carol
Cancer has progressed to my bones. I pray that it never enters my soul.
Forgive me if you get two comments from me. I left one a few days ago and don’t see it posted, so I’ll try again!
Thank you for transporting me to Maine with your words…. I can’t wait to go!
And thank you for reminding me again that the most important mile to travel before I sleep is the mile of Today.
P.S. We will be visiting Acadia National Park in June after attending a wedding. My first visit to Maine & to New England:)
Joan, have fun visiting Acadia National Park. I think you’ll love it!
I don’t know why your first comment didn’t show up. I changed some of my settings so that only “new” posters will need to be approved. Another friend had the same experience. I still consider myself a novice with blogging. Plugins, widgets and tools, oh my!
Carol, Thank you for your reminder to live and appreciate everyday. I am going to order Viktor Frankl’s book today. You are a gift to me.
Anne, I think you’ll enjoy his book. I always to love to see you and Bob, and feel blessed to know you!
Thank you, Carol, for another lovely post (and I remember when you were living in Maine!). I really appreciate the quote you selected, as that is how I try to approach life too – I just can’t word it as eloquently as Mr. Frankl. Looking forward to seeing you in a few weeks.
Diana, our pastor quoted it one day in a sermon and I cornered him after church to get the exact quote. I think the first one he quoted was: “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our freedom to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Years ago, I bought a copy of Viktor Frankl’s book, “Man’s Search for Meaning.” I have it here somewhere.
I’m looking forward to seeing you, too! 🙂
I felt transported to Maine in your blog. May you continue to see all the green around you.
Thank you, Tammy!
Carol!!!!!!! This was a beautiful post. Marty was right…one of your best! I love your stories and I thank you for the reminder… Life is a gift.
Thank you, Lisa. I’m so touched by the love and support I feel from you.
You have such a talent for describing the scenes around you. I felt like I was there and thought to myself “ I want to go to Maine” 🙂 Such a great reminder- everyday is a gift!💕
Thank you, Kathleen! I think you would love Maine – even in the humid summer! 🙂
I’m still learning o much from your and you and your life reflection. I never knew you lived in Maine..Your eloquent words always paint such a vivid life picture. Keep up the story telling prose.
Thank you, Mike. I guess the secret is out! Hmmmm. What else am I hiding? Stayed tuned…
Of course I appreciate your main message. But I also treasure learning more about the road that made you who you are. Colby College, Maine! Who knew?! All these years together and this is the first time I knew of this. I was deeply impressed by an author who wrote compellingly from there- telling of his challenges with a difficult mother he escaped from but then tried to uplift when she moved there.
Who would have thought I’d live there?!? It really was a wonderful experience for me. Glad I still have a few secrets left! 😝
This is a lesson for all of us. Thank you for sharing
Thank you, Sandy. 🙂
Hey Carol! Great musing, as usual! Thoroughly enjoyed reading it. You are such a trooper with an amazingly positive attitude! It is serving you quite well during your latest journey, with many more to come. (Did I mention I’m clairvoyant? 😎)
I was pleased to learn that you were a speech and language therapist. I have never met one that I wasn’t thoroughly impressed with how they made such a huge difference in their patients’ or students’ lives. The two that I worked with at the high school and middle school already taught special ed students were fantastic! They couldn’t make the kids do things that no one ever thought they would, or could.
I’d love to hear some stories of how you made a huge difference in many of your patients lives. My nephew/godson has profound, down syndrome and autism. The one consistent source of support, besides, my sister was his speech and language, therapist who advocated for him throughout the years.
Kudos to you my sweet friend. To infinity and beyond! 🥰
Hugs,
Joe